Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize