He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
