Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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