How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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