HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
