i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
