Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
