in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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