Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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