Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
