I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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