I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
