you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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