after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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