There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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