my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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