We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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