Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
