Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
