It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
