i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i dont even know how to be here
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
