you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
