No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
