I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
