She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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