It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
