fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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