I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
