then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bring me that man meat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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