If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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