No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
