Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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