then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
