He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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