This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
