My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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