My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
