Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
