So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize