we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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