so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
