Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
