I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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