I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
