don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
