Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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