you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
