AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
