Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if only i could text you this smell
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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