Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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