He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
