If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
