Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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