If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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