Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
