I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Semen is not good for contacts.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
