If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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