we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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