don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
