sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
