I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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