no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
