hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
