after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
