tell your sister to shave her snatch
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
