a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
