I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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