she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
too bad you live with your parents still
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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