Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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